I am woman, leave me alone

TW: sexual assault

What a week it’s been for the UK. I’ve been seeing the crazy weather on socials and really hope everyone is safe when heading outside. I’ve been reluctant to post the weather we’re having in Spain on Instagram as it’s been (apparently) abnormally nice for February. I am very well aware of how fortunate I am to be on a year abroad here. I do post about some issues about living in a new country as I find it fascinating, overall it’s pretty amazing but I do feel the need to be transparent when I write about my time here.

An issue in Prado del Rey which I’ve noticed from Day 1 is the attitude towards women. This can be applied to pretty much any small town, including those in England, where social progression is a little ... different. I can see how life in an isolated town can struggle to adopt social norms expressed in larger towns and cities in the West. Before I continue, please know that these instances have been caused by an absolute minority of men. A lot of kindness we have experienced abroad has been from male acquaintances, without them we wouldn’t have had such a great time so far. From the man who fixed my car for a minimal fee to young lads who’ve adopted us on nights out despite the struggle with Spanglish, and of course, Shot Man Juan.

Cat calls

I kind of expected this one. My housemate and I look pretty different to other people who live in the town. We’re both fair-skinned and blonde, despite my bi-weekly fake tanning sessions, so it’s very clear we’re not from here. In the first week we experienced stares, whistles and cat calls every time we went out. During my time at Uni I used to bite (verbally) any time this happened to me, however now I prefer to stick some AirPods in and continue on my ‘hot girl walk’ (thanks, Ruby, for that new expression). These cooled off after a few weeks when they got used to us being there. Stares still continue, which can be an irritant if I’m having an off day. However I’ve come to accept that some people still find us curious.

English for everyone

As people now know that we’re english-language assistants in the local town, some people (men) see it as an open invitation to have us help them with their english, in the street. Comments have now changed to ‘HELLO HOW ARE YOU’ and ‘YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL’ being shouted across bars and roads. Perhaps it’d be more welcome if they spoke to us conversationally, then again, probably not for that last one. One of the older kids from my school also expressed "I want to **** your *****" from the school gates. Good luck with your future, mate, at least it was in English. This escalated last night when a man in his 20s followed my housemate home and went to grab her arm, hard, informing her pretty loudly that he wants to learn english and she needs to help him. Pretty terrifying at night-time. She called me and made it home after he saw she was speaking to someone on the phone. Once again, our mother-tongue being seen as an open invitation to interaction. I often joke that Spanish men are too short to kidnap me (as I'm 5ft8). However, jokes aside, it’s a shame that we still need an escape route at the back of our minds when we want to walk home at night.

Tall Girl GIF posted for sarcasm, bc it's a ridiculous movie lolol

Not all men (had to, sorry)

We’ve had some really positive experiences on nights out in Prado though. Despite the presence of alcohol, ergo: increased confidence, everyone has been pretty respectful. We’ve been bought drinks from people we don’t know without them expecting conversation in return. If someone does become over-friendly, then we’re often with guy friends who will step in. A few weeks ago we were having a nightcap at a really small bar after an impromptu night out. It was lovely to meet new people. Until one guy in his 50s gave us uber BAD VIBES. His drunken, hungry stare was vomit-inducing (and continued for the rest of the night), but mainly so after we heard he wanted to tell us something filthy that our Spanish friends refused to translate. After refusing to interact he continued to stare, the barman also noted he wasn’t someone we should talk to. I don't like to think what he based that opinion on.

You, again

Yesterday, I decided to join a school trip to a site on the outskirts of Prado. Salt naturally occurs there or something, I’m sure it was interesting, however it was all in Spanish and I was more concerned with petting the dogs onsite. The man who owns the site stood up front to explain how the salt came to be, IT WAS THE GROSS MAN FROM THE BAR. I’m unsure if this is just some women's experience, but I instantly had that horrible adrenaline rush. He recognised me after he was finished talking to the kids, and gave me the same stare from the bar. Cretin. I stayed glued to the music teacher and made sure they all knew about him. The male teachers instantly laughed, which contrasted the disapproving looks of the female teachers. They didn't like what the man did, but they also shrugged and said 'well, you're pretty'. What did I expect, I guess. Beliefs are different here. But at least everyone knows he’s a creep now. If you’re out in London and have a grim encounter with a dodgy bloke, it’s unlikely you’ll see them again, but welcome to Prado. Everyone knows everyone. And if sh*t happens I can rely on small-town gossip to mess with someone’s reputation.

When I'm in a confident mood, I'm always certain I could fight someone off or give a clever clap back, but when you're really in one of these situations, it can feel immobilising. Spain is not unique. We see news about women being murdered/r*ped in their own homes, on a run, walking home, or just doing wtf they want, world-wide. Cat-calls and gross men are just the beginning of a lifetime of 'text me when you get home' and 'but, you're pretty'. Just know, that it's not OK. Despite differences in culture, your boundaries are your boundaries. And you are perfectly entitled to put those in place.

If you need help: European R*pe Crisis Network: https://www.rcne.com/contact/countries/